carpe diem quam minimum credula postero – – – “seize the day, putting as little trust as possible in the future,” these line comes from a popular latin poem by horace.
as i was reading through horace’s poem, i realized something in my life. i was busy buying time.
i remembered watching a dvd last year entitled “in time” lead by justin timberlake and amanda seyfried, where time became the most definitive and highest form of currency. people die for it to live more. the rich lives longer, while the poor struggles for it to extend their lives. relating this with my current situation, this maybe true.
as we focus our lives with our priorities, we often forget about the present because we worry so much about our future. we forget to smell the flowers, to see the beauty of sunrise, the colors of sunset, to say hi and smile to people we meet along the way. we forgot the present.
i am always in a hurry – i am afraid to be left behind.
if you recalled in the previous chapter, i did not graduate on time because, of financial difficulties having to afford my tuition fee in college – i did not have a choice. my future was not prepared. though my parents did, but they withdrew my educational plan for an added capital in our business that later on closed down.
through the years, i am catching up with time that was snatched from me – wanting to get all the promotions in work, dine here and there, the fun and the laughter. its better late than never but i still need to catch up – catch up with time. i could have experienced more if i finished college on time. i could have been a successful physical therapist in the united states, earning and helping my family big time. money should never have been a problem for me and my family today.
days before my birthday for the past 8 years, i experience emptiness. i raise questions with myself, “where my life is right now – am i successful?” it just came naturally and i allowed myself to be vulnerable during those days. this is the only time, i became very emotional. my partner was able to notice that from me and i warned him that time that i am not in my right element. i needed more of his patience with his love, support and understanding.
relating to you the gray side of me, gave me a recognition of my own imperfection. i never fully acknowledged this part of myself to embrace each day’s blessings – and that life itself is a gift. i should let go of my worries in the past because that was “water under the bridge.” i can never change the past. what is important is to live in the present.
“if one cannot live in the present, then one cannot embrace the blessings of the day.”
i am thankful for the life i am living. i would say that it was never an easy road for me in the past but what matters most are the learning experiences that made me who i am now – accepting and appreciating everyone around me, realizing how blessed i am.
“life is too short. seize the day, as if it was your last.”